Time of grief.

The hardest thing that will ever happen in life is watching someone you love die. If you’re religious, you may believe that you’ll see that person again someday in an afterlife and that will give comfort you a little. The thought of seeing your love one again makes it easier to deal with death. I have to admit, I envy the Christians I know when it comes to this subject. Their religion helps them a lot when they lose someone they love. They believe they will meet their love ones again and be in eternal bliss together. It’s times like this I wish I could believe. How do you deal with death when you’re not religious, though? What do you do when the only thing you can do for them is make them more comfortable in their last days? Knowing the pain will cease is the only thing that brings me comfort. Unlike my family, I don’t believe in an afterlife. I don’t believe I will her again when I die. I don’t expect a joyous reunion when my life comes to an end. I understand the way life works. I know that everything has an end. I know my children will one day feel the same pain I’m dealing with now. I wish there was something I could do, but the only thing any of us can do is make her feel as comfortable as possible. When you’re losing someone that close to you, you’re not only trying to make them comfortable, you’re trying to make everyone else that’s close to them comfortable as well. If you’re religious, you remind them of the glorious reunion the two of them share one day. You remind them of heaven, tell them she’ll be with her deceased husband and the other loved ones that have passed, and how wonderful it will be when everyone is sitting down at the dinner table about. (Our family always meets up at meal time.) You tell them these things and you don’t feel bad or guilty about it because you believe it too. I can’t bring myself to say those things to my family because I honestly don’t believe in an afterlife. I wish I did, but I don’t. Everyone around me is planning what they’ll say to their loved ones when they get to heaven, and I’m trying to deal with the fact that I won’t see them again. The only thing I can do is make as many memories as possible and tell my kids about her. When you’re that close to someone, it’s hard to let them go without a fight. Every time I see her sleep, my mind rushes back to when she could speak clearly, and bat those eyes when she got mad. I’ll always love her and now that my time with her is coming to an end, I’m wishing I had more. The hardest part is know there’s nothing I can do make her better.