I'm moving my blogs.

For anyone who cares, I'm moving my blogs to another account. Mainly because it matches my Twitter ID. If you'd like to follow me, please do. I'll be at here.

Maw Maw

Darlene Coltrane, You were always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. You taught me so many things. I remember watching you in the kitchen as you would cook. I remember asking millions of questions back to back and you answered every one of them with no sign of being annoyed. You talked to me when I couldn't talk to anyone else. Even as your time was nearing the end, you sat and listened to me and tried to help me let you go. You always did know what to say to make me feel better, and I wish you were still with me. I know you're no longer hurting, but damn, how I miss you. Just this morning I was getting ready to come to see you when I remembered that you were no longer here. I'll never see your face again. I'll never see your smile, your twitch, or the way you batted your eyes when you were flustered. I know we can no longer speak with each other, but I will always remember the way you were, the way you put others ahead of yourself, the way you tried to help everyone around you, the way you always made me feel like I was worth something, and the way you loved each and every one of your family. Since you've left, I've been replaying all the memories we've made together. Looking back, I can't think of a single moment where you didn't make me feel better. I will always remember how you would call on every birthday and sing to us. I know you told me not to be sad, but that's one promise that I just can't keep. You truly were the best Grandmother ever. Nobody could ever take your place. You left a mark on this earth that nobody will be able to erase. I miss you, Maw Maw. Thinking of you, Tisha.

Someone I Love.

As you can tell, I haven't wrote anything in a while. The reason is that someone I care for deeply is dying. I've tried to spend as much time with her as I can, so I haven't had to time to get my thoughts in order and write them down. She's a very important person in my life. She's always been there for me when I needed her, so the least I can do is sit by her side as goes this last stage in life. This has been extremely difficult for me. I've lost loved one in the past, but I hadn't completely lost faith then. I always thought that I would see them in a next life, whatever that life would be. I don't believe in the supernatural world now, so this time is extremely hard for me. She's one of the strongest women I know. She never took any smack, she always stood her ground, and she always treated me as an equal. Even though her mind is fading, her wit is still in full stride. She's one of the kindest people I've ever met. I have always tried to be like her. She'd give you the shirt off her back, then invite you to dinner. She never turned away someone in need. She's always had a loving heart and kind hand. It's sad to think that very soon she will no longer be with me. It hurts to know that there's nothing I can do for her. It's hard to see the one of the strongest women I know loose her motor functions. It breaks my heart when she tries, but can't get her words out. I'm lucky though, I'm not going through this alone. I have a wonderful husband that's standing by me, helping me through this. I have family that's willing to answer my phone calls, no matter what time of night it is. My special thanks goes out to my cousin/aunt, Tiffany. (Hope she doesn't mind me using her name on here.) She's been by my side with her and helped me understand just what's going on. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I could manage this. She's not the only one that's been there for me, she's just the one that's been there when I've lost control of my emotions and helped push me back to where I need to be. I know I have to be strong now, and I couldn't do it without my family. I know some atheists that their families have disowned them for their atheism, and I'm so glad that my family isn't that way. I'm so thankful that they love me without requiring me to believe as they do. My family is truly one of the good ones. I'm thankful that they understand how hard this is on me and try to be there for me to help me through this. I'm glad that my husband is willing to let me be her while she's still with me. I'm thankful that he's letting me deal with this the only way I know how. I can't imagine how hard it is for others like me that don't have the support of their family.

Time of grief.

The hardest thing that will ever happen in life is watching someone you love die. If you’re religious, you may believe that you’ll see that person again someday in an afterlife and that will give comfort you a little. The thought of seeing your love one again makes it easier to deal with death. I have to admit, I envy the Christians I know when it comes to this subject. Their religion helps them a lot when they lose someone they love. They believe they will meet their love ones again and be in eternal bliss together. It’s times like this I wish I could believe. How do you deal with death when you’re not religious, though? What do you do when the only thing you can do for them is make them more comfortable in their last days? Knowing the pain will cease is the only thing that brings me comfort. Unlike my family, I don’t believe in an afterlife. I don’t believe I will her again when I die. I don’t expect a joyous reunion when my life comes to an end. I understand the way life works. I know that everything has an end. I know my children will one day feel the same pain I’m dealing with now. I wish there was something I could do, but the only thing any of us can do is make her feel as comfortable as possible. When you’re losing someone that close to you, you’re not only trying to make them comfortable, you’re trying to make everyone else that’s close to them comfortable as well. If you’re religious, you remind them of the glorious reunion the two of them share one day. You remind them of heaven, tell them she’ll be with her deceased husband and the other loved ones that have passed, and how wonderful it will be when everyone is sitting down at the dinner table about. (Our family always meets up at meal time.) You tell them these things and you don’t feel bad or guilty about it because you believe it too. I can’t bring myself to say those things to my family because I honestly don’t believe in an afterlife. I wish I did, but I don’t. Everyone around me is planning what they’ll say to their loved ones when they get to heaven, and I’m trying to deal with the fact that I won’t see them again. The only thing I can do is make as many memories as possible and tell my kids about her. When you’re that close to someone, it’s hard to let them go without a fight. Every time I see her sleep, my mind rushes back to when she could speak clearly, and bat those eyes when she got mad. I’ll always love her and now that my time with her is coming to an end, I’m wishing I had more. The hardest part is know there’s nothing I can do make her better.

Aggravation

Why is it when a non-believer reads a verse from the Bible they’re reading it wrong, misinterpreting it, or taking it out of context? However when a religious person reads a verse, they always get it right? Personally, I don’t see how you can read the laws about slavery or killing non-believers, homosexuals, unruly kids, etc. and not clearly understand what the Bible has to say on the matter. When you ask about those laws, they simply say that it doesn’t apply in this age. How can that be? The god of the Bible is supposed to be constant and never changing. If their god is really never changing, then the laws he made in the Bible should apply today. Shouldn’t it? Could it be that they use their own morals to choose which of God’s law to follow and which to dismiss due to the changing times and they don’t really get their morals from the holy book they hold so close to heart?
I can’t help but get frustrated when I speak with a deeply religious person on religion. They’re so quick to say that other religions are false, yet they don’t look hard at their own religion, or even research their own religion to see that their religion as just as much merit as all the others. It’s hard to make someone understand why I don’t believe in their god, because as soon as I say I don’t, they start with their devil talk and threats of hell. When I tell them, I don’t believe in the devil, their response is, “Of course you don’t. You don’t want to believe in God, so you don’t want to believe in the devil either. That’s how Satan traps you!” It’s not that I don’t want to believe in your god, I would love to believe in your god. My life would be so much easier if I did. But I can’t believe in something I don’t. It’s like saying you don’t want to believe in Santa because you don’t want any toys on Christmas. It just doesn’t make sense. The fact that you think we don’t want to believe in your god because we want to be bad people just shows how clueless you are about atheists.
It’s like trying to believe in fairies, unicorns, witches, or wizards. You don’t believe in them because you don’t want to, you don’t believe in them because there’s no evidence to support it. I just can’t live my life by faith alone. And to be honest, nobody can. You can claim you do, but when you go to cross the street, I know you look both ways before you cross. When you get sick, do you not see a doctor? Does he not give you medicine to heal your sickness? Sure, you can pray till your blue in the face, but it isn’t until after you take the medicine that you start to get well. When a storm comes, do you not prepare your house for it? Do you not go the store and get supplies in case the power goes out? Do you not board up your windows if the storm is bad? Sure, you can pray and ask God to stop the storm, but the storm is going to come and there might be real damage done by it. And what do you say then? When God doesn’t answer your prayers? “It’s God’s Will.” If it’s God’s will then why bother praying? If he’s going to do what he wants anyway, there’s really no point in praying for him to change something. If anything, it just shows how selfish you are. It shows that you think you’re better and he should change his plan just for you.
Now, I don’t read the Bible every day, but how many Christians do? I remember a lot from school, church, and prayer meetings, though. I remember wanting my parents to go to church with me (both are Christians), but they rarely went. They showed me that you don’t have to go to church to be a good person. My dad is the most understanding person I know. He’s never told me I’m going to hell, or tried to reconvert me to his religion. He taught me about life, what it means to be kind to people, how to be a good person, how to love those around you, and how to care for those you haven’t even met. He taught me how to listen to the problems of others and help if I could. He doesn’t think any less of me because I’m not a Christian. He taught how to make up my own mind and stand up for I believe in and that’s something that I will teach my kids. He taught me that family values are loving, caring, listening, understanding, helping, and protecting your family, not that marriage is one man and one woman. He taught me to treat everyone equal and to give everyone a chance.
As much as you religious people hate it, the Bible doesn’t give everyone equal rights. It only gives rights to certain men that believe in this god. Women, homosexuals, non-believers, people of other religions, and many others are second class, at best, to the men that worship this god. The god of the Bible is a hateful, homophobic, short-fused, selfish jerk. Anyone who has taken the time to read the whole Bible, not just the parts your pastor, preacher, or priest tells you to, can tell you this. But you don’t really take your religion seriously, do you? I mean how could you? Jesus said to obey all the commandments, not just the top ten, not just the ones you agree with, all of them. Jesus said to give all you could to the poor, yet I see many churches laced with gold. The Bible says no graven images, yet I see people wearing golden crosses and fish symbols on their cars. How can you say you’re a true follower of Christ when you don’t obey his commandments? I know many Christians that eat shellfish. God says that’s an abomination, but you guys don’t look at that. No, you’re too concerned with what the homosexuals are doing in the privacy of their own homes. All of you are hypocrites.

I am an atheist.

I am an atheist. I do not hate your god. I do not believe in your god or your devil. I don't believe in you heaven or hell. I don't believe in your angels or demons. I don't believe your supernatural savior or visions. I do not believe you have the right to rule the world. I do not believe that it's my job to disprove your claim. I do not believe you truly get your morals from your holy book. I do not believe your religion or any religion should be involved in our secular government. I do not believe you have the right to tell who gets married and who doesn't. I do not believe that you or your religion should have any advantage over anyone else. I don't believe my tax dollars should fund your religious events. I do not believe you know what discrimination truly is. I do believe in equal rights for all, not just those that agree with me. I do believe everyone should have the right to marry the one they love, not just those with the same sexual preference as me. I do believe in taking care of those that can't care for themselves. I do believe that everyone should have the education they need to make a life for themselves. I do believe everyone should have health insurance no matter what condition they have. I do believe the elderly should be able to afford the medicine they need to live. I do believe that everyone should be able to believe or not believe in any god they wish without fearing their lives and the lives of their family. I believe that the burden of proof lays with person or persons making the claim. I believe everyone should be able to live peacefully in this world together. You say I don't believe in anything, yet when I tell what I believe in you dismiss it because it doesn't fit with what you were told. You say I'm attacking your religion when I'm only trying to make you realize that my thoughts on religion are just a valid as yours. You say I haven't read the Bible when I'm quoting from it. You say I don't understand it when I point out what it says about slavery. You say I'm not read the Bible as a book, but how else would one read it? You say you get your morals from the Bible, but you pick and choose what you follow from it. If you truly get your morals from the Bible, how do you dismiss the slavery and killing those the Bible says to kill? You I must have faith to understand your Bible, but your faith is claimed to be a gift from your god. You claim I hate your god when I've already told you I don't believe he is real. You claim that I must have been hurt in my childhood and that explains why I dismiss your god. I'm sorry to inform you of this, but my childhood was very normal and happy for the most part. I look around and see you degrading, discriminating, and insulting me simply because I don't believe your religion should have no special treatment. I don't fight for the religious. I don't fight for feminist. I don't fight for the homosexuals. I don't fight for a certain race. I stand up for everyone, not just a certain group. We all live on this planet and we all should fight for another, not against each other. I believe we can live peacefully in this world together without attaching one another because of different beliefs or lifestyles. When we stop fighting each other and start working together, we can accomplish the unthinkable.